This post is specifically referring to the Side Chicks of the world who willingly engage in relationships with married men. I’m not naive to the great responsibility and accountability that the married men themselves possess. Being a woman who is disturbed by the ubiquitous glorified presence of the side chick sub-culture, I felt compelled to create this post.
Side Chick Syndrome is a term that I coined to describe the behaviors and statements of people who participate in, encourage, justify and facilitate the side chick sub-culture. I refer to it as a sub-culture because it is a pervasive lifestyle. First, as a woman who strongly believes in being loved, honored, cherished and respected and second as a married woman who passionately believes in the sanctity of marriage, I take this whole “Side Chick” issue personal. It seems as if within the past 5 years or so, the side chick role has evolved into a fascinating phenomenon with which we have grown too comfortable. I guess since infidelity is as old as the hills, side chicks are an accepted and celebrated occurrence; especially with the cult like popularity of TV shows such as Scandal. Side Chick Syndrome is rampant in the media and entertainment world; it’s promoted and glorified like it’s a bonafide duty.
Another example, is the new show Power , in which the main character, Ghost is having an affair with his high school sweetheart, Angela. The show’s Facebook page had a post that encouraged fans to pick either Team Angela or Team Tasha (Ghost’s wife). I admit to being a faithful viewer of both of these shows; I love the intricate plots and dynamic actors. The sexual being in me is aroused by the hot, steamy sex scenes between the couples, but after a while my arousal turns to disdain. Countless fans (men and women) boldly endorse and cheer on these affairs. True enough, these are merely TV shows, but as we all know, art imitates life and vice versa.
Just like on the TV shows, in real life the adulterers feel that their affairs are justified because they are unhappy in their marriages. It’s really disturbing that women knowingly and willingly engage in intimate relationships with married men. I feel for those women who meet a guy and are already caught up in the rapture of love when they find out that he is married. But once a woman makes the decision to continue the relationship, she is culpable. It shows that they lack the self-control, self-respect, dignity and decency NOT to mess around with another woman’s husband. No matter the state of a marriage, outsiders do not have the power to interrupt a union that is recognized by God. Yes, I said interrupt, because more than likely the married man remains married to his wife and the side chick must decide to stick around or move on. Even when I was a single woman, I never knowingly dated married men. I always saw it as putting myself in a position to get played and left alone holding the bullshit.
Realistically, the blame can’t be placed solely on the side chicks; the adulterers shoulder most of the responsibility because they are the ones who committed to their marriage . Infidelity is a symptom of a couple’s failure to properly address the unresolved issues in their marriage. Justifying the side chick sub-culture with statements like: “he’s not happy with his wife”, “I’m doing what his wife doesn’t/won’t do” ,”there wouldn’t be any side chicks if men didn’t cheat”, are unacceptable! How about, there wouldn’t be any side chicks if women embraced the belief that they are the main dish–not leftovers– and say, “I’m worth much more than being a side chick!”
The side chicks who–“stay in their lanes and know their roles”, show some discretion. There are too many others though, who brazenly make their existence known as if they’re entitled to recognition. Proudly letting it be known that they are side chicks. There’s even a consulting business that teaches women how to be a side chick. Though I commend any entrepreneur who successfully meets a demand for a service; this business is basically teaching women how to fulfill a subordinate role in life. A side chick is not likely to be introduced to family and friends; if she is introduced, she’s not acknowledged with respect. A side chick can’t visit her boo’s home because then she may run into the wife; she has to often wait her turn to have time with the man. A side chick’s time with a married man is usually restricted by his responsibilities and commitments. The side chick likely has to be more accommodating of the married man because ultimately, she is not a priority in his life. Side chicks always run the risk of being one of many other women that a married man is involved with, she’s pretty much part of a figurative harem.
I recognize that each side chick has her own individual reasons for being a side chick. Also, I recognize that some women prefer to be side chicks, because they are either truly ok with no commitment and/or they’re dating multiple men themselves. And of course there are the side chicks who’s primary motivation is receiving monetary compensation and gifts for playing their role. So basically, they’re trading sex for favors, which fundamentally means that they’re souped up whores.
Side Chick Syndrome is an epidemic. It it an epidemic that is eating away at the core of our relationships. It is one of the the reasons why there are innumerable women who are chronically single. It is one of the reasons why bastard children are born to mothers who will raise them on their own because the fathers are either unaware, unavailable or uninvolved. It is one of the the reasons why people are skeptical about marriage. It is a symptom of a society that struggles with promoting trust, commitment, loyalty, discipline and dedication. Being a side chick only exacerbates the misogynistic practices that women fight to rise above daily.
We all make choices and our choices have consequences. Demetria Lucas wrote about some “Basic rules” for being a side chick. The rules highlighted the grim reality of being a side chick and brought out the bottom line; even if a side chick follows the “rules” she won’t win the game.